Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear Livin' on a prayer We've got to hold on ready or not You live for the fight when it's all that you've got We're half way there Livin' on a prayer Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear Livin' on a prayer
Last week we hit a small bump in the road.We had asked for prayers to get us through it, and your prayers worked. Thank you so much! Still not 100%, so if you could keep those prayers coming that would be fantastic.
We could definitely feel the power of healing come from your prayers. Eric is recovering, and anxiously awaiting his CT scan next monday. The scan will determine how well he is responding to chemo, and if the tumors are shrinking. If the tumors are shrinking, then surgical consult will probably be made. They can then begin to plan his 2nd liver surgery.
We were excited to learn about something called "partial remission". It is when the tumors have shrunk 1/2 in size, and the docs can sometimes deem a cancer patient in "partial remission". Wouldn't that be a nice thing to hear next week?
Keep those prayers coming if you are the praying kind, and thank you to those whom prayer is new to. We appreciate you taking the time to pray for Eric's full recovery..
We are praying to Catherine McAuley for intersession in Eric's recovery. Catherine is the Foundress of The Sisters of Mercy, who is up for Canonization (and an Irish Lass) . We are praying to her in hopes that Eric's full recovery and cure from Cancer can be the miracle that will raise Catherine to Sainthood.
We ask that you say this prayer for Eric with us:
O beloved Catherine, through the power of my most compassionate Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I humbly beseech you to look with love and pity on Eric who is ill at this time. Stir up in me the same passion that impelled you to respond to the needs of your time. Bless me with the sure knowledge of your presence and with a complete trust in your providence. Use once again your spirit of compassion and your ardent desire to alleviate suffering and to restore her/him to full health if it is God's holy will. I ask this in the Name of Jesus who lives and reigns with the Father in unity of the Holy Spirit. Amen
Thank you all! I leave you with the song that played when Eric and I were announced ad Mr. & Mrs. at our wedding reception, at the time it had a much different meaning then it does today, but it still has a special place in our hearts! Also I request a special prayer for another one of Philly's finest, who just found out they have cancer at the age of 34. Prayer to you and your family JG, just like Eric you WILL beat this! ~Jeaneane
When it gets cold And it feels like the end There's no place to go You know I won't give in No I won't give in
Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you There's nothing you could say Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
I times I feel like I need to purge. Right now is a purge time. I guess I should explain this a little further. This has been nagging me now for quite some time...it needs to come out. This post is not really going to be about Eric, it's going to be about me. Many of you might find my musings today to be selfish, but it is hard to be the one who sits in the shadows and bites tongues. I will now longer do it. I turn 30 in less then 2 months....time to purge.
When this nightmare first hit us, the reaction from friends and family was mixed. Family, for the most part, rallied around us and supported the decisions we made. Some friends really went out of their way to help comfort and support us. Hell even people who were mere acquaintances rallied around us and showed support. And there were...The Others.
The Others are the people who I thought were friends. The Others are the ones who claimed they, "Didn't know what to say" or "Didn't know how to react". The Others are the ones who abandoned us. Eric didn't feel it as much as I did, but there were certain individuals who I no longer have respect for, who couldn't even take the time to shoot him a text or call on the phone. However, The Others were mainly my friends, and a few mutual friends we had together. People who I now realize, probably were never our true friends at all. Why do I say this you may ask? Because I do not think true friends would completely abandon you without ANY explanation.
Ok, ok, I realize that my husband and I aren't the only people in the world, and that EVERYONE has their own problems, but the reason why The Others really stand out, is because of what people, who I may not have even known this time last year, have done to support us. Support doesn't mean they have neglected their families or dropped everything for us. Support is a simple "hi" via text or FB, or a phone call if they have the time. Support is the person who understands that we can't always drop everything for a beer or answer the phone or a text, but offer anyway just in case we might be able to , and accept without question, when we cannot.
The Others has disappointed to an extent that I cannot even describe. Sure every person/family has problems. We can all die at any moment, but living with death and uncertainty looming over your head really fucking sucks. And that is MY life right now. This is what MY husband, and MY kids are reminded of every day until Eric is cancer free. I have come to the conclusion that The Others, are fucking selfish individuals who can't look past their own life and see how their "friends" are doing. I guess because I was always the person who checked in and asked how people were doing, I assumed people would do it for me. Guess I was wrong. Even I, who am up to my eyes in the bullshit of life, still manage to check in with people I thought were my friends when I can, even if its just a simple "like" on facebook. At least they know I am thinking about them, and maybe it will not make them feel as horribly lonely as I do right now.
Yea that's right, I finally admit it I feel horrible, defeated, betrayed, disappointed, tired, and LONELY. I also feel a whole bunch of emotions only cancer warriors and their families may understand, as well as anyone who has fought death themselves, or in their families. I am disgusted with people I had considered friends. And if you are shocked when you are reading this, you shouldn't be. When was the last time you texted/called/messaged even sent me a freaking chain email?? I'm going to guess not anytime recently. And some of you were individuals I would have done anything for. Ones I shared laughter and tears with, ones I confided in and trusted. The sad part was, if something was wrong with you I STILL would try to check in and make sure your ok.
So now that explains the purging. I going to spend this next month and a half dedicated to my family, and for those who actually give a shit about me. And I am going to celebrate turning 30 with people who matter. Because I want someone like Avril to be by my side...
When you or your family is engulfed in cancer it feels like a lonely uphill climb. The dictionary defines engulf the following way:
engulf, ingulf [ɪnˈgʌlf] vb (tr) 1. to immerse, plunge, bury, or swallow up 2. (often passive) to overwhelm
Boy does it feel like that sometimes. Cancer doesn't just attack your body, it can attack your whole being. While the body part is obvious, the mental part is not quite as apparent. This applies to both the individual with cancer, as well as the caretaker and family. Someone can look great and seem like they are altogether, but inside they are just a mess. While I am not the person fighting a deadly disease raging inside of my body, I am also fighting to beat this by providing physical, emotional, and spiritual support. I am the one who takes over on those not so great days, and I am happy to do it. No thanks needed, I take those marriage vows to heart. Furthermore, when you love someone, you will do anything to help them.
One of the many things cancer does is really make you look deeply at life and death. You learn to truly not sweat the small stuff, live for the moment, love with all that you have, accept the help and support of others, just how important faith is, how to be humble, how to be grateful, how to enjoy even the smallest things, how to fight for what you love, and who truly cares about you. With regard to death you realize how precious, unfair, short, long, fulfilling, disappointing, and wonderful life can be. You also accept the fact the we are all immortal, and at some point we will all die. You learn not to take anything for granted, because you never know when you will be called home.
Over the holidays people in my life were touched by death. Neither was fair. Both individuals taken by horrible disease, although different in origin. One I had the pleasure of personally knowing, the other I never met, but am honored to call his sister a friend. She has touched my life, and wouldn't be the person she is today without some of the impact and wisdom he let her with.
A few days after Christmas I had the pleasure of attending a memorial service for a manly to truly touched the lives of others. Karl was the father of 2 great children, a high school classmate of mine, and one of my brother's best friends. Oh and Karl was my favorite travel agent. He booked Eric's first trip to Disney World, and was so excited to do so. Karl was as much of a nut about Disney as I am. There is no other place in the world that he would rather talk about. Just the mention of Disney would put smile on his face. When Eric was first diagnosed with cancer, he thought of Karl, and how hard he was fighting to survive. Karl had been diagnosed less then a year ago with bile duct cancer that had eventually spread. Even while fighting the hell out of cancer and going through treatments, Karl continued to train for triathlons. My brother and his friends trained for the Philadelphia Marathon and ran in honor of Karl, who fancied himself, "The World's Fastest Human".
I am sure many would wonder why I said pleasure in the same sentence as memorial service. But it truly was. Karl, wanting to help others even after death, donated his body to science. As a result there was no body to cry over or bury. His family will not get his cremated remains for another 2 years, after medical students use his body to train. Because of Karl's wishes, and because the family is just so damn cool, the held an informal memorial service to remember him. I was so touched by the stories of so many people that were touched by Karl in some way. From his job as a travel agent, his triathlon training, his Rotarian duties, growing up with him, and for just crossing paths. The man made such an impact on so many people. The stories were both funny and lighthearted and well as touching and inspiring. Maybe Karl wasn't the world's fastest human, but he definitely was a freaking awesome man. Every time I pass The Seven Seas Lagoon, I will smile, because I know Karl is there enjoying the sunshine and the smiles and laughter of those go to Disney.
This holiday I also helped my friend deal with the tragic and unexpected loss of her brother. His untimely death leaves a lot of questions unanswered and broken hearts. He battled he disease that sadly overcame him. Unfortunately, there was no more fight left in him. I never knew her brother, but in this last week I feel as though and got to know him, I just wish I had known him life as well. But my role is to support my friend and her family in any way I can. To be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. She has done so much for us, it is the least I can do. I feel her pain because she is suffering. Just mere weeks ago she was helping me fight for Eric, never knowing she would face death in her life.
Albert Einstein once said, "Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life." And each of these men have left behind children that will conquer the world. While it doesn't make it any better right now, know that you will leave a mark in peoples lives just like your fathers' did.
I met with my friend tonight who lost her brother. A few laughs, and few beers, but more then anything just being friends. When I left her a song came on the radio. A song that really put into words what my mind was thinking or life and death. Life really not about the destination, it's about the journey along the way. Life is not always easy, the only thing guaranteed in life is death. We can't let obstacles keep us from living our lives, no matter how tragic they are, and how much they just plain suck. You gotta just keep pushing along...
Every step I'm taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on
I never thought Miley Cyrus would inspire me, but here she is...
I don't know why But I keep thinking Something's bound to go wrong
But she looks in my eyes And makes me realize And she says "Don't worry baby" Don't worry baby Don't worry baby Everything will turn out alright
Eric's PET Scan was performed the wed before christmas. This was the first scan that was being performed and would really determine how much cancer was in Eric's body. yes we already knew Eric had Colon Cancer that had spread to his liver. And his liver contained multiple tumors (too many to take out in one liver resection). And yes he had already been diagnosed as Stage IVa (Stage IV is as far as this train goes just for a frame of reference, and IVb is the last station you can get off at). But this was going to determine how extensive the damage is OUTSIDE of what we know.
Well needless to say they made us sweat it out over the Holiday weekend. Eric was anxious and thought this was bad news. We had the Pet Scan performed in Princeton, as opposed to Memorial. They told us a preliminary report would be available within 24 hours, and alas it was not. So automatically he took this as bad news. I on the other hand, took into account the holiday...but that's a whole other story....
Anyway back to the PET. On Monday Eric has his systemic chemo treatment, which includes bloodwork and a visit with Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee is a super sweet doc, who really takes the time to talk to his patients. Usually we wait forever, but lucked out because of the blizzard, many people cancelled. Speaking of which, that blizzard really made it a bitch to get to Princeton, but I digress...
So Lee did his normal assessment, and looked at Eric's blood levels. HE platelets are back to normal, and the only negative in the bloodwork, if you could even consider it a negative, is that Eric is SLIGHTLY anemic. But this is to be expected with liver surgery. So he is getting ready to send us to Chemo, and I kindly remind him, "Don't we have PET scan results?" He honestly forgot to tell us. At that point I knew it was good news.
Essentially the scan found that the Cancer is contained to the liver. The lungs, lymphnodes,spine, and other organs were all clear. The only area that "glowed" was an extremely small inflamed area under the armpit. And they honestly think that has to do with Eric's Eczema, and would not be following a natural pattern of disease for Colon Cancer. So they are not too concerned about this area. The tumors also appear to have shrunk slightly, so Chemo is working. We were elated!!!!! And it is a weight off of Eric's shoulders. This gives him yet ANOTHER reason to keep kicking the shit out of this cancer!
The chemo still sucks. HE is starting to really feel the effects of it. HE is extremely sensitive to cold. Cold weather, cold drinks, cold surfaces. HE has to drink room temp liquids, or it feels like hards of glass are ripping apart his throat. He has to wear gloves to open the fridge, he got out of shoveling in the blizzard (although I think that was planned). Eric is having constant pins and needles feelings in his hands. Thats the neuropathy, and it gets worse with every treatment. His spirits are good though. He handles it like a champ! He still has a head full of hair (knock on wood) after 4 chemo treatments. This is Eric at Monday's treatment. He may still lose his hair, and that's ok. I am hoping that while he loses his hair, he will pick up a Scottish or English accent and I can finally bring to reality my fantasies about boinking Sean Connery or PAtrick Stewart. Yes I has a thing for older men who are bald with Accents. They are just so hot! I'm weird I know.
Eric's treatment Progression:
As always, thank you for your continued support and prayers. And remember Keep BELIEVING!!!!!
Thank you Marcy for setting up this fundraiser. It looks like so much fun!
******** Help our Friend POLICE OFFICER ERIC DIAL, while taking advantage of a REDUCED price for great family fun!
Proceeds from each ticket sold from the event link go directly to "The Eric Dial Fund". If you can't make it to the event but still want to buy a ticket, they are good for any day and never expire. THINK: CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!!!
**The regular price for tickets is $29.99 Sahara Sam's has ever so kindly REDUCED the ticket price to $20.00 per ticket, with a significant portion of the ticket cost going directly to The Eric DIal Fund!!!**
A little about our hero: At 34 years old Eric did not expect to be diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer...but here we are. After presenting to the ER with what they believed was a blood clot in his lung, Eric, an otherwise healthy Police Officer, husband, and father was told he had colon cancer that had spread to his liver.
We are now in beginning the biggest fight of our lives-to beat cancer.
Please join us in showing support for Officer Dial and his family; his wife Jeaneane Kozlowski-Dial, and sons Mark Dial and Logan Little.
Follow his fight : http://www.facebook.com/pages/Team-Eric-Dial/168015779883207?v=wall
I had to put the blog on lockdown for a short period of time. Apparently SOME people decided to twist what I was writing, and make issues. I waited until a point where I felt the offending parties would loose interest in not being able to access the blog. So now I am back...with lots of updates, which I will take the time today and tomorrow to really try to get into.
Toddles for now...working on a PET SCAN update....
**Originally Drafted December 6th...but I finally posted.
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right. Close your eyes and think of me And soon I will be there To brighten up even your darkest nights. You just call out my name, And you know whereever I am I'll come running, oh yeah baby To see you again. Winter, spring , summer, or fall, All you have to do is call And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got a freind.
It took me a full week to think about what I would say about the Benefit that was thrown for Eric. Even a week later, I still have trouble. It's not that I do not have a ton of amazing things to write, and so many people to thank, it's just that there is so much that I want and need to say, that I do not think my words can do it justice.
I guess the best way to do that is to recap the night, and give thanks for all that was done.
The night started off with some special surprises for Eric. He had already been told that we were getting picked up in a limo/luxury car by his Captain Mike McCarrick. What Eric didn't know is one of my best friend Nichole's stepfather Jeff, an Officer in the group Warriors' Watch Riders, and Nichole's Mom Kim made arrangements with members of the organization and Eric's Motorcycle Club, Bullets LEMC, to escort our ride from our house to the FOP. This was quite an honor, one usually bestowed upon heroes in our military when they come home.
Knowing that the riders were coming around 6, I told Eric we should wait outside for our ride. While waiting he heard the roar of a group of wheels headed our way. I said to him, "Sounds like somebody is having fun." A few moments later about 20 bikes and 4 cars roll up to our house. Keep in mind it was a cold night, so these man and woman went above and beyond to show their support for my husband. Many of them started out as strangers, but they are now friends...
When we arrived at the FOP we were taken back by all that had been done for Eric. From the grand entrance:
To the people that just kept pouring in.
Eventually they had to open up the FOP Lounge because there were just too many people. My uncle, Joe Conklin, put on a performance as well. It was all so much! We were literally overwhelmed by the amazing love and support shown by so many. There are so many people to thank, I know I am going to miss someone, but here are just a few...
-Capt. Mike McCarrick & The Officers of the 2nd Police District -John McNesby, FOP President -Steve Weiler, FOP VP -Bullets M/C -Warriors' Watch Riders -Cpl. Vince Nowakowski -Officer Tom Loglisci (Video) -Officers Jesberger & Mroz (Music) -Officers Alley & Murphy (planning/organization, donations, set up) -Doreen Devlin & her "Basket Elves" -Members of the Kozlowski, Dial, Grace, Conklin & Conway Families -Joe Conklin (Comedian) -Sgts McLain & Barclay -Lt. Macartney -Soooo many businesses: Sears Hardware Doylestown, Home Depot, Sears, Lowes, Cheapcarribbean.com, Philadelphia Flyers, Philadelphia 76ers, Philadelphia Phillies, Philadelphia Eagles, Nick's Roast Beef, Field House, Galaxy Tans, Atlantic Tactical, Philly Heating & AC, Barb's Harley Davidson, 92.5 XTU...so many more that I can't even think of the names... -Mike Ruth- TV, Conway Cousin's- Ipad, Frain Family- Vacation in the Catskills
There is so much more I could write but I do not even know where to begin. All I can say is thank you for your love and support, and being the helping hand that we needed as we are down and troubled...
