Scans, Scans, Scans...

E had a PET Scan yesterday at Sloan. Afterward he had treatment, but did not meet with the doctor. On March 2nd he will have a CT Scan, which was scheduled before the PET Scan was. We will not find out the results for either scan until our March 5th appointment. This also happens to be my 31st birthday, so I am hoping for the gift of improving health and clear scans.

As always, we ask that you continue to keep E and other cancer warriors in your prayers. We are praying to Catherine McAuley, foundress of the Sisters of Mercy, for Eric's miracle. She has been declared Venerable for all her works, and is well on her way to sainthood. Our hope is that Eric's miracle can be a result of her divine intercession.

O beloved Catherine,
through the power of my
most compassionate Lord
and Saviour, Jesus Christ,
I humbly beseech you to
look with love and pity on
Eric who is ill at this time.
Stir up in me the same
passion that impelled you
to respond to the needs of
your time.

Bless me with the sure
knowledge of your
presence and with a
complete trust in your
providence.

Use once again your spirit
of compassion and your
ardent desire to Alleviate
suffering and to restore
Eric to full health, if it is
God’s holy will.

I ask this in the name of
Jesus who lives and reigns
with the Father in unity
with the Holy Spirit.

Amen

Iron Chef: Jose Garces (said in over exaggerated Japanese Accent)

Yea there is the birthday boy. He sure as hell doesn't look like he has cancer. Damn you wouldn't even know that earlier that morning he was sick as a dog from chemo. But he picked himself up and got all sexified for our romantic birthday dinner for 2 at Amada.

If you know Eric at all, you would know he LOVES Iron Chef. So I thought it would be a great idea to go to Jose Garces' place. We loved it, and as a bonus it was restaurant week. We had a great time. He even said next year we should go out with a few couples/friends. I loved hearing that....next year. Damn that man is so positive despite everything.

On another great note I got to tell him today that his CEA level went down from 6.0 to 5.3. Basically the cancer cells are dying....the treatment is working. Woohoo!

Thanks for the continued prayers...keep 'em coming. I would also like to send a special prayer request for another Cancer Warrior, Linda T. Linda just found out her breast cancer is back after 8 mo of remission. It is in her liver, nodes, and bone. She has 3 kids, and her hubby is a Philly cop. She needs those prayers too. Damn I hate this disease.

short but sweet

All visible tumors now gone. Doesn't guarantee cancer is gone, but nothing can be seen by the naked eye. Tumor growth burned, as was cells surrounding tumor growth area in liver. Continue receiving 5FU chemotherapy. Meet with oncologist next Monday to discuss if any changes will be made to treatment. Will also review the results of PET scan that was performed.

E did well with the procedure and was able to go home that night.

texting away after waking up.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

Just as an FYI- I am not really using facebook much anymore. At least not for posting updates. I limited what people can see as well. So I will continue to use this, as well as the blog for updates. I also went to on a deleting frenzy. Please do not take it personally if you were deleted. Because of some privacy concerns I basically limited my account to close friends and family. Sorry if I offended anyone, although I am sure facebook doesn't really bother many of you.

WTF??!!

That's basically the only words I have right now. Since the proper family members have been informed, I now felt it was ok to tell everyone else that Eric's cancer is back. Last month was the 1 year anniversary of his cancer diagnosis. He celebrated this milestone by getting a tattoo (if you know Eric you would understand why). He explains the symbolism of the tat as, "The worst day of my life, and the people who saved me."

Well now, a month later, and 7 months cancer free, they found tumor growth in his liver. Again I say, WTF?! This guy can't catch a break. He finally felt like his life was beginning to become normal again, and he gets rocked with this. But I am so proud of how well he is handling it, and how he continues to fight on. But I still think he and I are both warranted a little "WTF".

So the fight continues. It feels like deja vu in a way. The beginning of the school year, new school, new job, new friends in our lives. And then cancer comes and invades our world.

There are only a few requests I have right now, and they are sincere. 1.) Please continue to pray for Eric's health and strength. (And if you wouldn't mind a few extra prayers for the rest of his family that would be great too).

2.) We need our friends and family, and we need our lives to have the least amount of drama as possible. That means, I need to make amends. I am asking for forgiveness from some, and it would make Eric and mine, and our children's lives much easier if we can forgive and move on. Anger is a poison that does NOTHING to help fight.

3.) I need help. I can't do this alone again. Pride aside, I will take people up on offers to help. If your off on a Monday, and can take Eric to NY for an appointment, I need you. If you have kids that Logan could play with and wouldn't mind another kid hanging out, I need you. There are so many other things I could put, but the bottom line is that I need my family and friends to fight help Eric in his fight. Last year, mostly by choice, I did it all by myself. I nearly cracked. i wouldn't let anyone help me, it was a huge mistake. This year I will not do it. If you can help, let me know.



Eric is continuing to go to work. He even went in to teach the recruits with his fanny pack on. In that fanny pack was the chemo pumping into his port to keep him alive. Sure he felt like shit. Hell the day before he was told his cancer was back. But he went because he wanted to. Because he wants to still be Eric.

I am going to try to continue to work as much as possible. I want to save the time in case I really need it. Eric will be having upcoming surgery soon (or so it seems) to remove the tumor growth. I would need to take off for that, so any appointments, I am trying to see if people wouldn't mind taking him up to NYC. (I will provide the car/gas/tolls I just need peoples time). These appointments are Mondays. Eric says he can take himself if I can't go, but I would rather someone go with him, in case he has a negative reaction from the chemo.

Well I will summarize what's going on medically:
09/16/11- 6 months cancer free
10/4/11- 1 year anniversary of Stage IV diagnosis
10/31/11- 7 month CT Scan
11/7/11- Results of Scan
11/7/11- Hear the dreaded words, "We found cancer." CEA LEVEL: 7.1
11/7/11- Treatment begins at 6:30pm. Eric is given a different type of chemo, 5FU.


A little about 5FU: It's the oldest chemo there is for fighting colon cancer. Not that its any less effective. It runs for a period of 48 hours, hence the fanny pack. It's used to treats lots of other cancers too. It's a good drug, and has many less side effects then the drug combo Eric was on before. Eric was previously taking "the big guns". They dont want to use that combo again unless they need to. That was a 3 chemo cocktail of FUDR, oxaliplatin, and irinotican. A nasty strong combo. But the doc's feel they can give his the 5FU and shrink the tumor growth. If more tumors were to be found in different areas, then the big guns would come out.

Starting Chemo Again....
Rocking his killer fanny pack...

Thank you...

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I guess it comes with the territory sometimes. I wrote this email to a mentor I had when I was a teenager. This man singlehandedly made me fall in love with music. While I could sing before, he turned me into a vocalist. I have so many amazing memories of this man, Mr. Tim Harrell.

Today I decided to write him an email. We haven't truly spoken, or had a close friendship in nearly 10 years. I think I briefly saw him about 7 years ago, right before I met Eric when I tried to attend services again at Trinity Solebury. I just couldn't make it work, the church was too far away. When I sang with Tim I felt so amazing...I like to remember those times.

Anyway, just like my letter to Tim, I want to reach out to so many of the people that have influenced my life these last...hmmm...30 years. In one way or another, you have all touched my heart and made me a better person.

THANK YOU!

Below I will share some parts of the email I sent to Tim and his response...It's nothing grand, but his response back really touched me.

Hello Tim:
Well some downtime in work, and a little soul searching led me to the Trinity page, and of course, you. I hope this email finds you in good health and spirits. I often see on ******** ******** facebook page tidbits about the goings on at Trinity. I imagine you are incredibly busy this lenten season.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Well thinking, reminiscing, fondly remembering the blissful times when life was easy, and all it look was a beautiful Anthem to put a smile on my face.

As I am sure you have heard from ******, as she asked me if it was ok, life has thrown me yet another curveball. Sadly this experience really had me questioning my faith and understanding of God's graces. While I was able to quickly realize that it is God's will, it has still left me broken. I find myself once again a sheep lost from its flock. I am so disgusted (at times), yet know that it is my strong belief in our Lord that is helping me to get through this most difficult time.

I guess I am rambling on about nothing really. I haven't talked to you in ages, and for that I am sad. Basically I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for playing such an important role for 6 years of my life. I think of you often, especially now that I no longer sing. Please know that you made such an incredible impact in my life. During my darkest hours I now think of the happiest times in my life. Many of those memories have you playing a big part.

Fondly,
Jeaneane


Hi Jeaneane,

What a pleasant surprise to hear from you. Isn't is ironic that you and
Jenn have connected through facebook. Yes, she shared with me what is
going on in your life and I'm so sad to hear how things are going.

Yes, things are busy during the Lenten season as you well know. Your
words are so kind about me and they brought tears as well. Yes, we all
look for those blissful times and as we look back on our lives we
realize how many things were easier in the past but don't forget that
when we were living those times, it didn't seem easy. I do think the
older we get the more challenges we meet.

We all struggle at times with our faith but I
want to challenge you or at least disagree with one thing you've said
and I hope you will take it with the love that it is given. I don't
believe it is God's will for people to suffer. If I believed otherwise,
I couldn't do any of this. I truly believe God suffers right along with
us during the down times just as God rejoices with us during the good
times. That expression "that it is God's will" brings back all those
loooooonnnnnngggggg (long) prayers at AJIC
rehearsals. (Now that should bring a laugh or at least a chuckle)

I wish you were closer not only to be singing here again but I think you
would find the adult study we've been doing since the fall a real eye
opener and a source of some comfort and understanding about God and our
faith. It has been amazing to watch the DVD and then hear the
reflections by parishioners who come from different backgrounds in their
faith journey. It isn't pious but quite progressive in it's content.

I got your email just moments after you wrote and dialed the number at
the end of it but they weren't able to locate you and were going to page
you. I told them it wasn't that important and I would try another time.
I just didn't want to put it off.

I will share this with Emory and we will both put you in our prayers.
Come see us sometime. You are ALWAYS WELCOME here.

Love,
Tim

A young Cancer WArrior...

Received an email from my Great Aunt Bernadine about a distant cousin who is battling Cancer. He is only 5. Please keep him in your prayers. His name is Brendan, and I think he is a superhero.


You can read his story here: Brendan Fick's Page

"We're half way there... Livin' on a prayer"

Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer
We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got
We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer


Last week we hit a small bump in the road.We had asked for prayers to get us through it, and your prayers worked. Thank you so much! Still not 100%, so if you could keep those prayers coming that would be fantastic.

We could definitely feel the power of healing come from your prayers. Eric is recovering, and anxiously awaiting his CT scan next monday. The scan will determine how well he is responding to chemo, and if the tumors are shrinking. If the tumors are shrinking, then surgical consult will probably be made. They can then begin to plan his 2nd liver surgery.

We were excited to learn about something called "partial remission". It is when the tumors have shrunk 1/2 in size, and the docs can sometimes deem a cancer patient in "partial remission". Wouldn't that be a nice thing to hear next week?

Keep those prayers coming if you are the praying kind, and thank you to those whom prayer is new to. We appreciate you taking the time to pray for Eric's full recovery..

We are praying to Catherine McAuley for intersession in Eric's recovery. Catherine is the Foundress of The Sisters of Mercy, who is up for Canonization (and an Irish Lass) . We are praying to her in hopes that Eric's full recovery and cure from Cancer can be the miracle that will raise Catherine to Sainthood.

We ask that you say this prayer for Eric with us:

O beloved Catherine, through the power of my most compassionate Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I humbly beseech you to look with love and pity on Eric who is ill at this time. Stir up in me the same passion that impelled you to respond to the needs of your time. Bless me with the sure knowledge of your presence and with a complete trust in your providence. Use once again your spirit of compassion and your ardent desire to alleviate suffering and to restore her/him to full health if it is God's holy will. I ask this in the Name of Jesus who lives and reigns with the Father in unity of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Thank you all! I leave you with the song that played when Eric and I were announced ad Mr. & Mrs. at our wedding reception, at the time it had a much different meaning then it does today, but it still has a special place in our hearts! Also I request a special prayer for another one of Philly's finest, who just found out they have cancer at the age of 34. Prayer to you and your family JG, just like Eric you WILL beat this!
~Jeaneane