The day Xeloda finally failed....

Well we got really crappy news last Monday. Lung tumors doubled in size since the last scan 2 months ago. . So after 2 years 3 months of just xeloda, Eric will will be adding biweekly oxali infusions.

This is a major blow. His cancer is no longer controlled and managed.
Instead of folfox, he is sticking with xeloda and adding the oxali. Mostly because he hates being accessed for 3 days. But it's essentially the same thing. The KRas mutation obviously complicates things now. It really limits the amount of treatments he can get before his options run out. They were going to put him on the CPT11 and oxali combo but she has decided to hold that in reserve for when she really needs it. She also said lung surgery will happen soon, she is just waiting for a particular doc that is coming back to mskcc.

Eric is having a really really hard time with this treatment. I think being on xeloda, with all ts manageable side effects, spoiled him a little. Sure he got sick, but he clearly forgot just how ad the oxali is. He is sick. Very sick. barely eating, always sleeping when he gets the chance. E says it feels like he has been hit by a MAC Truck. Just a horrible constant nausea and weakness. And this was only the first round...it doesn't get any better. This is his off week, so hopefully he rebounds before treatment next monday. Pretty much this entire weekend was spent in bed with a bucket next to him. And the other horrible side effects of the oxali are the neuropathy in the hands and feet, and the inability to touch/tolerate cold. Even the slightest chill in a beverage feels like glass shards going down his throat. ITs going to make summer so much fun...insert sarcasm here.

We found a local oncologist out of Doylestown Hospital that we will be using for some of the infusion visits. Since they are biweekly now, going up to NYC every other Monday would just be ridiculous. We are moving to North Wales next month, and Doylestown will be super close. I have a family member that goes to this oncologist, Dr. Lorraine Dougherty, and I have heard very good things about her. Hopefully she is a good match.

I guess that's it. Nothing much more to say. The whole thing just stinks! Below is a pic from infusion last Monday, at least he is staying positive despite the tremendous disappointment.

I got lazy...

Here are some back dated posts from Eric's carepage. I put them in chronological order. Then I will do an update today. I suck.

A chance to breathe...

Posted Sep 14, 2012 2:54pm

We finally got some good news this week. We got the results back from Eric's PET Scans, and they were clear, showing no disease present. This is incredible news, and I guess in some way a shock.
Eric is to continue on chemo for an indefinite amount of time. This is an offensive measure. From the beginning we were told that even when all tumors were removed, Eric would have approx 6 months of chemo to be sure they killed off all the disease.

The CEA level dropped from 10.2 to 8 in a month. We are hoping it continues to drop. The CEA marks the presence of disease. Once we start seeing numbers below 4 we know this is going well.
So I guess we begin the road to remission. Don't know if I would clinically say Eric is there yet, but it sure is a weight lifted off of his shoulders knowing that they do not see any disease.
However, since he will be continuing on chemo, he will still have the fatigue and million other side effects it causes. Fingers crossed this journey is almost over, even if just for a little while.
Thank you for your love, support, and prayers. As always, BELIEVE.

nervous as hell

Posted Nov 13, 2012 8:34pm

Tomorrow Eric goes for another round of PET and CT scans. I'm a wreck, so is he. The September ones were clear, so these results could be life changing. These results may be able to tell us whether or not Eric is finally ahead of this disease after 25.5 months of chasing it. If these scans are clear then he may be able to stop chemo. If he stops and his scans in 3 months stay clear then he begins remission.

But there is always a chance the scans wont be clear. Since he is on chemo and the last scans showed no presence of cancer, if these next ones do, then the chemo is considered a failure and we have to try something new. There are only about 5 types of chemo Eric can use successfully, we can't afford a failure, and quite frankly, he deserves a break.

So tonight I am saying my prayers and hoping the scans are good. We will not get the results until Monday, so its going to be a long 5 days and Eric is going to be a freaking basketcase. So any kind words you can send his way would be great. Help get his mind off things. And if the news isn't good in Monday, well we will fight on like we have since the beginning.

And as for me, ill keep it together and put on my brave face like I always do. Some day ill have my meltdown ...just can't have it yet ;-)

Silver Linings Playbook

Posted Dec 2, 2012 2:29pm

I feel like we are forever looking for the silver linings. Don' get me wrong, I am not complaining, but the ups and downs really start to take their toll.

As we are well immersed in our 3rd holiday season since Eric's diagnosis, all around me I can find things to be grateful for. Loving family, true friends, wonderful jobs and coworkers, and Eric being here to spend another holiday with us. We are lucky, many people don't get to live to see another Christmas, let alone 3, after a diagnosis like his. But the length of this battle is taking its toll physically, emotionally, spiritually, and any other "ly" you can think of.

I wasn't going to share this information, as I wasn't sure how much Eric wanted people to know. But we told our families, and Eric said it on facebook, so I figured I would let the other people who have supported him since day 1 know. The PET scan results we received right before Thanksgiving were not good. They weren't horrible, but they weren't good.

If you recall Eric's scans in September showed no disease, but to be offensive they kept him on chemo. It seemed that the last of the cancer that the docs had been chasing for 2 years was finally gone. Sadly, this November scan showed disease in the liver. New disease. Disease that grew while he was on chemo. Its a small amount, but it is there, and it is very disheartening. The liver had been cancer free for a year. This is a bad blow. Also CEA tumor marker went from 6.8 to 9 in a month, indicating cancer growth.

This stinks, and Eric was pretty upset (as I was), but he is taking it with stride now. They decided to keep him on the same dosage of the same chemo until the next PET scan in Jan. I think they are trying to get him through the holidays comfortably. This regimen has been , by far, the easiest for him in terms of side effects and mental toll. Kemeney already has a game plan I am sure. If there is more growth in the next scan he will prob be put back on the big guns, and life will really suck. The big stuff is terrible. It turns Eric into a real "sick person".

So this holiday season, please remember whats important. I know I am. Laugh a little more, smile a little wider, hug a little tighter, and say I love you to those who you do...you just never know what tomorrow will hold.
Peace & Love,
Jeaneane

Eric's Cancer Fight Countdown: 790 days of fighting and living since being told he was going to die.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need...

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Chemo resumes today. Xeloda at a lower dosage then before to see if Eric gets toxicity again. He doesn't want to be on IV chemo, so we are hoping a lower dosage works. CEA level has increased from 9.8 a month ago to 10.2, despite the tumors in the lungs being removed. So clearly there is still cancer in his body. Pretty bummed.

We got into a fight the other day. He was yelling and screaming that he doesn't care anymore. So I gave it right back to him. I told him to give up then, stop fighting, stop letting so many people waste their time and energy supporting a person who doesn't care anymore. I got so mad and told him in frustration to stop all the treatments then, stop going to NY, stop taking up space and time someone who wants to live would be happy to get. I asked him why would he continue to have surgery after surgery and chemo and all the other nonsense if he didn't care anymore? his response-Because he felt like it. Then I called him out on it.  I told him that when you really don't care you stop saying anything at all. I forced him to hear me say that I know that he does care, and that he is scared to die. I told him anything you love is worth fighting for, and no matter how mad I made him (and boy did I make him mad), I was still going to fight for him, even if he wasn't going to fight for himself. I know he cares. But I know he is frustrated. The confirmation today of resuming chemo was just another blow. 

I'll keep pushing him. I swear to this. No matter how much he may hate me, I will push him. I WILL NOT let him give up. He has too much to fight for. He is tired and broken. But no matter what Eric, I promise,  I will try to fix you...

Past 2 months in 2 minutes

I haven't updated since May, mostly because not much had happened, then life became a clusterfuck. Eric went through 5 rounds of Xeloda before being hospitalized for chemo toxicity. Well that's what they think it was, because they really had no idea. We were stuck at Abington for 6 damn days. I was down the shore for the Fallen Heroes M/C Ride. Eric was supposed to participate, but felt so sick he went home. The next day my Dad took him to the ER, and I rushed home from North Wildwood. It was a long 6 days filled with fever, lost of some bodily functions and horrible blistering skin. And then 8 days later he was hospitalized again.

 The 2nd round of hospitalization this month was kind of weird. We went for a routine visit on monday and Eric felt fine. He had an abscess on his face that had started as a blind pimple. But if you know E personally, this is nothing new with his eczema and history of staph. But when the bloodwork came in the the numbers were not good. His WBC had jumped to 34,000 and Kemeny insisted he be admitted. He had brought Logan to this appointment with us, so needless to say we were not prepared for a stay in NY. Eric was pretty upset they admitted him, especially considering the fact that he had just gotten out of the hospital. Plus it was somewhat of a deja vu feeling, as Eric was hospitalized for 4 weeks right before the 4th of July.

Logan and I stayed at a hotel room that night, and my dad saved the day by coming up to NYC, meeting me on the train platform, and taking Logan home. During this stay Eric felt ok up until he was about to released, thus causing his stay to be extended. He ended up having a staph infection, a rare skull bone infection called mastoidosis (effects 0.004% of the population in developed nations)and ended up with c-diff. (if you look up c-diff it super sucks and is highly contagious). But we were able to get the meds for him to come home, where he will spend 4 weeks on antibiotics. Man can't catch a break.

CEA level had more then doubled in 2 weeks, which concerns me greatly. Eric is not on any chemo right now, and his surgery to remove the lung tumors has been pushed back twice because of infection. His numbers have not been this high since pre liver resection last year. If you scroll down below you can see the CEA level trends since he was diagnosed. Hoping that the reason behind this was the brewing infection, and not more disease growing elsewhere in the body. I do know that the neck/head/brain are good. He had multiple CTs of that area during his stay last week. We have an appointment in new york tomorrow, so I guess we will find out what the next plans look like. Surgery to remove the tumors from the one lung is scheduled for july 20th, with the following lung to be at a date after that. In the meantime we continue to pray. I will probably write more later, but I figure this is the quick update.

 These are pics of Eric when he was up at Sloan.

We passed the time talking about our Respite trip in January care of For Pete's Sake Cancer Respite Foundation

Some good and some meh

Good: 21st will be eric's last chemo for 7 weeks. Kemeny wants to stop 3 weeks before surgery, and he won't have chemo for 4 weeks after.

Good: she also said he won't have much chemo after surgery. It would just be a precaution. Maybe 2 rounds in may-june.

Good: she was smiling and happy with how well Eric is doing. If you know Kemmeny, you know this is a big deal.


Meh: eric's bloodwork wasn't ideal today, so he isn't getting chemo. He has to get bloodwork done next monday in Philly to make sure he's good for the 21st. She's not too concerned because she thinks bloodlevels are whacked beccause of PVE last monday.

MEh: the 21st in now going to be a NY day, and its during PSSA's. That is going to go over real well at worlk. About as well as a fart in church.

Meh: I have never seen Eric so tired before in my life. It really sucks.

"We're half way there... Livin' on a prayer"

Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer
We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got
We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer


Last week we hit a small bump in the road.We had asked for prayers to get us through it, and your prayers worked. Thank you so much! Still not 100%, so if you could keep those prayers coming that would be fantastic.

We could definitely feel the power of healing come from your prayers. Eric is recovering, and anxiously awaiting his CT scan next monday. The scan will determine how well he is responding to chemo, and if the tumors are shrinking. If the tumors are shrinking, then surgical consult will probably be made. They can then begin to plan his 2nd liver surgery.

We were excited to learn about something called "partial remission". It is when the tumors have shrunk 1/2 in size, and the docs can sometimes deem a cancer patient in "partial remission". Wouldn't that be a nice thing to hear next week?

Keep those prayers coming if you are the praying kind, and thank you to those whom prayer is new to. We appreciate you taking the time to pray for Eric's full recovery..

We are praying to Catherine McAuley for intersession in Eric's recovery. Catherine is the Foundress of The Sisters of Mercy, who is up for Canonization (and an Irish Lass) . We are praying to her in hopes that Eric's full recovery and cure from Cancer can be the miracle that will raise Catherine to Sainthood.

We ask that you say this prayer for Eric with us:

O beloved Catherine, through the power of my most compassionate Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I humbly beseech you to look with love and pity on Eric who is ill at this time. Stir up in me the same passion that impelled you to respond to the needs of your time. Bless me with the sure knowledge of your presence and with a complete trust in your providence. Use once again your spirit of compassion and your ardent desire to alleviate suffering and to restore her/him to full health if it is God's holy will. I ask this in the Name of Jesus who lives and reigns with the Father in unity of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Thank you all! I leave you with the song that played when Eric and I were announced ad Mr. & Mrs. at our wedding reception, at the time it had a much different meaning then it does today, but it still has a special place in our hearts! Also I request a special prayer for another one of Philly's finest, who just found out they have cancer at the age of 34. Prayer to you and your family JG, just like Eric you WILL beat this!
~Jeaneane

Working hard to get my fill, Everybody wants a thrill...

Paying anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling

Well things don't always work out they way you plan them, or the way the doctors plan them, hell even the way life plans them. And when you first realize your plans go wrong you are pissed. Then you get over it. Then you determine that you need to keep fighting. That was my day yesterday. Our first real setback since diagnosis.

Yesterday we work up at 7am and got ready to go to the hospital.
We had to be at Sloan at 9:45, but were antsy to get there early. Despite the rain we were able to get some town car to go there. I was pissed because the African dude didn't have a meter and was playing "What do you want to pay?" I finally just threw him a ten, so we could be on our way. I probably over paid, but whatever I am by no means a city girl...and certainly not a NY city girl.

Even though we were early, I am glad they took him back right away. Some vital checks, a lot of waiting, but we knew surgery was to take place soon. One super sweet nurse had a pep talk with E and told him not to be scared. She had him doing breathing exercises...I was laughing, it looked like Lamaze. But it did help. He was much more relaxed....below is BEFORE his pep talk...


At noon they had him walk into the operating room. When I asked a nurse why he was walking, the nurse said studies found that when patients walked into the OR they are not as nervous and scared. You could see that as he was walking and carrying on a conversation with the anesthesiologist.

I was prepared for Eric to be in surgery 6-8 hours. I received a phone call stating surgery started at 12:25pm. I was to be updated at 1:40. When they came for an update they told me Eric was in the first part of the surgery, the liver resection. The plan was to remove the affected areas of the liver (the 2 major tumors positioned mostly on the right lobe [on the picture it is the larger of the 2 lobes] , and a few smaller surface tumors). However when they opened him up, they saw things that the testing did not reveal. Now we were warned this could happen, but at the time it didn't really seem like a possibility.

After 3 hours in surgery I received a call telling me to come back up to the floor, the operation was finishing up. I knew immediately something did not go right. I was expecting to be waiting minimum of 6 hours. Well when they opened him up they saw many more tumors then anticipated, on both lobes. Dr. D'Angelica determined that he could not safely remove most of the tumors without risking Eric's life. Basically, if he cut out all the cancer, Eric might not be left with enough healthy liver to survive. Instead they cut out 2 tumors and burned another in the left lobe. Now the left lobe is cancer free. They removed the gallbladder and installed he HAI chemo pump. They determined that Eric will need to have chemo to try to shrink the tumors on the right lobe, before they can attempt to resection again. Dr. D'Angelica explained that this 2-part resection is the best course of action for Eric.

So here we are...Eric will be recovering at Sloan for approx 6 days. While he's mad things didn't go as planned, he is determined not to let this setback hinder his fight.
He was up and walking several times today...less then 24 hours after major surgery. I am so proud. And, as always, Eric is a wonderful patient and the nurses LOVE him!! But who wouldn't love a handsome guy like him teehee!

Chemo is going to start within the month. After 3 months of chemo Dr. D'Angelica will determine if Eric can have part 2 of his liver resection. That means surgery, and the possibility of being cancer free could be a mere 4 months away!!! Wouldn't that be a perfect 30th birthday present for me considering surgery could take place in March, Colon Cancer Awareness month, AND the month of my birthday. Yippee!!!! Until then, we embrace being temporary New Yorkers, and enjoy the view from the room...