How the hell did this happen?

When Eric was first diagnosed, I didn't wonder how or why he got cancer. I just went into battle mode. I think I have said that a million times before. But over the past few months his cancer development has haunted me. I mean for christsake, how can one have NO SYMPTOMS for years...how can it be stage IV....when the hell did this start??


Eric has no family members that have had colon cancer, or any precancerous afflictions. No Crohns, no polyps, no issues. He never had blood in his stool, or irregular bowls really. I mean he poo'd when he needed to poo, didn't suffer from constipation, lose weight, or have difficulty with his intestines, yet when they finally discovered he had cancer, he was like 90% blocked in his colon. Forealzies, he could have died of sepsis before they ever found this.

No joke Eric had no symptoms until 12 hours before he went to the ER. Yes you heard that right 12 HOURS!!! He had been suffering from a sinus infection, so he took off Monday and went to the doctors. He was given meds and decided to take off Tues as well. Wednesday morning he woke up in the morning with me with, I believe ran some errands or something, then fell asleep because he just felt tired (not uncommon for a police officer who works shifts). He set is alarm clock so he would be awake for Logan when he came off the bus. Around 2:30-3 he started texting me telling me he was in a ton of pain. I called him. Convinced him to just go get himself to the doctors, and I would have someone get Logan. I had just started my job as an SBIS and as at school. It was the end of September. He went to the doc's office and they immediately saw he was in distress. They can a few tests and told him to get himself to the hospital. They weren't sure if it was a PE, his appendix, Pneumonia or what. De describe his pain like someone was stabbing him in the side and twisting the knife. I met him at Abington's ER.

He got so many tests that night. First the xray, then the CT- Scan, Then the MRI...they knew something was in the liver. They saw a thickening in the colon. But they didn't tell us a damn thing, they just admitted him and had him scheduled for a liver biopsy the following day, Thursday. The whole time I know they knew. They never gave us any information, made us sweat it out the whole weekend. Scheduled him for a colonoscopy that Monday. it was torture. Then of all people, a fucking 1st year med student told us Eric had cancer. She thought we had already been told and asked us if we wanted more info about his cancer. It was a nightmare. My poor Eric. He just cried and cried silently, and I just held him. I didn't cry, nor did I utter many words. But man did I pray. I screamed inside. I prayed so hard to God while I was holding him. I prayed for Eric to be well, I prayed for it all to be a big mistake even though I knew it wasn't. I prayed to grandfather Jim. I prayed with all of my being for him to give me strength. But I never, not once, asked "Why?".

By the grace of God my Aunt Eileen and my Mom Mom were there. Eileen knew the doctor, so she was able to remember the things I couldn't. I truly think my Pop Pop sent them. He wouldn't have wanted me to be alone. He made sure others were there so that I didn't fall apart. That was Monday. By Wednesday they were removing a part of his colon. Saturday he was discharged, and less then 2 weeks later we were meeting with Dr. D'Angelica up at Sloan. We raged on.

But this fall, after 16 surgeries/procedures, and months of chemo, 2 bouts of MRSA (one where I almost lost him), 6 months of being "cancer free", and the heartbreaking news that the cancer was back, I started to question. And I mean like really question. how the hell did this happen to him? Was it something he was born with, was he genetically flawed, did something else cause this?? How long had he had cancer? Could we have prevented this? Was there something we missed?
I had always been worried about colon cancer for myself. My paternal grandmother died of it. I knew the signs, he hadn't shown anything! And Eric was relatively HEALTHY! He was a strong, and active Police Officer. his only health issues were asthma, allergies, and skin problems. He wasn't sickly. So what the fuck made this happen?

It was then, I started to piece things together. After researching online, and looking at the normal progression of poylps to full cancer, i estimated that Eric was around mid to late 20's when his cancer began to develop. During that time he was in his best shape and most active. It was during that time that he was a narcotics officer. It was during that time, that he was headquartered at the former Frankford Arsenal, which ironically was located right next to Rohm and Haas Plant, and the Sunoco Chemical plant. I started to remember stories he told me about being told they could not drink the water, and that certain buildings/areas were considered hazards. I recalled one story he told me about the cops going out to there cars after a shift and there were million of dead bugs everywhere, like a light dusting of snow on the cars and the ground. He had also told me stories of warnings that had come from the plants when something had happened. I never recalled the specifics to those stories though. But the one thing I finally remembered, because he had mentioned it on several occasions, was the asbestos in the buildings. There were times when things broke (tiles, walls and such, whee they were wet down and covered before it could be moved. But contractors did what they want, and the buildings were so old they were forever falling apart. He was working so many hours that he practically lived there. And day after day he was being exposed to god knows what.

See the asbestos thing didn't jump out at me at first. I thought that led to mesothelioma and lung cancer. But I was CONVINCED that working at the arsenal had something to do with Eric developing cancer. I started researching environmental factors related to colon cancer. And there I found it, studies showing links between asbestos exposure and colon cancer. What.the.fuck.

We go up to NYC tomorrow for treatment, but we won't be seeing Dr. Kemeny again until March. But this is eating at me, and has been for quite some time. I finally shared my thoughts with Eric this weekend. I didn't want to scare him or overwhelm him, and I didnt want him to dwell on the negative, but it was irking the shit out of me. People still work there, hell my stepson goes to high school in the arsenal. i want to try and talk to someone about this. In my amateur research I saw that the arsenal was cited by the EPA in 2010 for not following protocol when disposing of Asbestos. I am sure that was going on for years, they just finally got caught. I also found that the arsenal is on a "hot list" of workplaces with extremely high likelihood of asbestos exposure. As crazy as it sounds, it all sort of makes sense. I need to talk to his doctors and find out if these is plausible. No one should have to go through this hell. I would feel terrible if I might have found a reason and didn't help prevent others from it.

Numbers...

I know I haven't updated in a while, there is just so much to write about, I need some tie to really think it out. But until then I would like to leave you with a post I put on Eric's facebook on March 16th, 4 days before Eric participated in his First 5k sponsored by Colon Cancer Coalition .

life can sometimes be about numbers. 5 months ago you were diagnosed with cancer and had part of your colon removed. the stage was 4. 4 months ago today you had the first round of your tumors removed from your liver. in 4 days you will run your first 5k. 5 weeks after that the rest of your cancerous tumors will be removed from your liver. you are beating the shit our of cancer, and I am so proud of you! I love you!

Eric Finished the 5k...he might not have come first, but he didn't come last, and he finished.He continues to beat the odds, those numbers in life.


Eric Finishing up the race with his friend Mike



Eric Anxiously awaiting the start of the 5k....notice Colon Cancer Warriors and Survivors wore special colored race bibs


Our Team: Dial's Dooker Troopers


I thought of a new song today. Eric had chemo yesterday and feels like complete shit. And a lot of our friends who are battling cancer has felt pretty shitty too lately. These lyrics came to mind....


But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying

If your going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Don't worry....things will get better, and thre is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now I'm feeling so Fly, Like a G6

Woohoo! Spoke with Dr. D'Angelica's staff yesterday. Liver resection rescheduled for April 19th!

Chemo to continue and Eric is working hard to prepare for surgery.

He is also preparing for the "Get Your Rear in Gear" Colon Cancer 5k on March 21st.

Eric was featured on the Gear your Rear in Gear website....you can see his story here

If you would like to help Eric and our Team you can do so 2 different ways, you can either sign up to run with our team, Dial's Dooker Troopers, or donate to our fundraising goal of $1000. We are not even halfway there!

You can donate on the Team Dial Fundraiser PAge. Every little bit helps...from $5 to $500. Please help us reach our goal! Thank you those who have already donated!

You can also participate in our team. You can do so by registering with active.com and signing up for the event. The direct link is here . Make sure you sign up as "Team Member" and look for "Dial's Dooker Troopers" as the team.


Thanks again for everyones support!

Believe...

Now she's getting a tattoo, yeah, she's getting ink done...

She asked for a 13 but they drew a 31!

Much to the disappointment of my Mother, if she ever finds out, I did get another tattoo yesterday. Like the other 3 tattoos I have, this one has meaning. This one, by far, is the most meaningful to me. (Short tat history: First tat was a Sun representing endless summer,2nd tat was done at Miami Ink on my honeymoon-I got a celtic Love knot, 3rd tattoo was a phrase in Gaelic- "Aon grá amháin, fíor is síor" that means "One Love, True and Eternal").

When Eric was diagnosed a few short weeks ago, I immediately thought of Phillies legend Tug McGraw...that man never gave up. "Ya Gotta Believe" was he trademark saying both on the field and when he was battling cancer...I draw on him for inspiration...BELIEVE...




But this one is my symbol of strength and represents my dedication to Eric. I had the Colon Cancer Awareness Symbol tattooed on my upper back/shoulder area. I had asked Eric to write the word "Believe" in his script on a piece of paper. Underneath the colon cancer symbol, Believe was tattooed. The love of my life will be a part of me forever.

Jim Sloane at Pop's Place made the experience extra meaningful. He made sure both Eric and I were part of the design, and had Eric place the stencil on me. He even took the time to take pictures for us. What an Ace! When Eric beats cancer, Jim said he can't wait to tat on him, "Told you I'd beat this!" I can't wait for that day.


Jim, thank you so much for creating an incredible memory for Eric and I. And thank you for the beautiful tattoo. But more then anything, thank you for your prayers and support.

Blogger wont let me add a picture right now...I will when I can...